Забавное в изучении английского языка

[Алексей Конобеев]

Уважаемые коллеги, на уроках часто проиходит немало забавного, да и в жизни встречаются смешные последствия обучения. А иногда наоборот - специально подбираем смешные тексты, которые можно показать на уроке чтобы проанализировать ошибки и извлечь из этого пользу и для себя, и для учеников. Предлагаю в этой теме делиться такими наблюдениями, находками и примерами.

Недавно мне попался вот такой непрофессиональный перевод меню (выдержки):

Язык в сливочном соусе: язык говяжий, шампиньоны, лук. сливки Beef tongue in cream with spinach

Пельмени домашние. пельмени ручной лепки по рецептуре ресторана Pel'menis House. Pel'menis of a manual moulding

Свинина по-русски. Свинина, запеченная с грибами, сливками с сыром, картофелем Pork in Russian. The pork baked with mushrooms.

Жульен грибной. Sour cream in Mushrooms.

Омлет натуральный. Omelette natural.

Сырники из творога. Cheesecakes from cottage cheese.

Грибной супчик. Mushroom soup in a rural way.

Из погреба - да под водочку (соленья по-домашне му из помидоров, огурца, квашеной капусты) - From a cellar yes under vodka. Home-Style from the fleshy Vegetable

Уха "Царская". Ear "Imperial".

За исключением "Из погреба" готов использовать эти примеры в обучении переводу.

А вам что интересного попадалось?

[irinatamb]

Трудности перевода.

 

Иногда я подрабатываю переводами. И когда мне предложили переводить бизнес встречу местной предпринимательницы и ее делового партнера из Франции, меня смущало лишь то, что я мало знаю животноводство, а это и являлось темой встречи.

Тем не менее, все шло гладко, и я даже несколько расслабилась. Конечно, насколько это было возможно в сложившейся ситуации: из кабинета мы переместились в телятники, где один наиболее любопытный экземпляр (теленок, испытывающий на себе прогрессивные европейские технологии выращивания себе подобных) зажевал шнурок от моей сумки. Галантный француз спас ее (сумку).

Совершенно неожиданно, улучив удобный момент, Джо оттащил меня в сторону и шепотом, но гневно поинтересовался, почему мой перевод такой вольный. Я искренне ничего не понимала. Но он настойчиво потребовал объяснить, почему его русская партнерша назвала его идиотом.

После продолжительных уточнений: кто, где, когда, в какой речевой ситуации и что говорил, оказалось, что невинная фраза: «Этот корм значительно лучше идет с такой-то кормовой добавкой» была так превратно истолкована иностранцем. Применив все свои способности преподавателя иностранных языков, я подробно объяснила это Джо. Думаю, он не поверил мне до конца, поскольку самым подробным образом латиницей записал фразу, которая так его смутила. Наверное, чтобы проверить позже у надежного человека, знающего русский язык.

Настроение было испорчено, и, несмотря на ужин и чудесный французский коньяк, контракт так и не был продлен. Очень надеюсь, что исключительно потому, что тамбовские телята лучше набирали вес не на французских, а на российских, если не ошибаюсь, тверских, кормовых добавках.

[Алексей Конобеев]

Трудности перевода.

Но он настойчиво потребовал объяснить, почему его русская партнерша назвала его идиотом.

После продолжительных уточнений: кто, где, когда, в какой речевой ситуации и что говорил, оказалось, что невинная фраза: «Этот корм значительно лучше идет с такой-то кормовой добавкой» была так превратно истолкована иностранцем.

Это довольно типичная ситуация, однажды франкоязычному бельгийцу, жившему в университетском общежитии, позвонила мама. Вахтер, не умеющая говорить по французски, позвола Жоффре, а тем временем. чтобы даме не было скучно, успокаивающе повторяла ей в трубку "Идёт, идёт". Бедному студенту пришлось долго объяснять своей маме, что никто к ней неуважения не проявлял. Я вот думаю: а как предостеречь учеников от подобных трудностей, предупредить, что могут возникнуть, но сделать это педагогично?

[Алексей Конобеев]

Прислали мне вот такую подборку объявлений из Лондонского метро. Я, возможно, какие-то из этих фраз использовал бы при обсуждении такой темы, как этикет и толерантность.

 

HEARD ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND TUBE

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

2) "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

3) "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

4) "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'."

5) "We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".

6) "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided."

8) "Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause ) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."

9) "Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions."

10) "Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors."

11) "To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

12) "May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."

[Uchilka]

Прислали мне вот такую подборку объявлений из Лондонского метро. Я, возможно, какие-то из этих фраз использовал бы при обсуждении такой темы, как этикет и толерантность.

 

Спасибо за доставленное удовольствие и мое расчудесное настроение сейчас.

[Алексей Конобеев]

Спасибо за доставленное удовольствие и мое расчудесное настроение сейчас.

Ну тогда вдогонку - American bumper stickers. Для тех, кому не приходилось сталкиваться с таким явлением - a bumper sticker - этонаклейка на заднем стекле или бампере машины, на которой крупно написан текст, что позволяет хозяину машины выражать свое мнение открыто, и часто весьма недвусмысленно. Не знаю, можно ли что-то из этого использовать в обучении в школе, но сами стикеры мне понравились:

I love animals, they taste great.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.

Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

You have the right to remain silent....Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.

My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.

My karma ran over your dogma.

[вал вал]

К трудностям перевода. У меня есть ученик-11тиклассник , у которого ужасная привычка переводить сразу, пословно,выхватывая лишь знакомые слова, не обращая внимания на контекст, не досмотрев всю фразу целиком, не говоря уж о целом предложении. А как известно, в англ.яз с его отсутствием падежных окончаний утерять связь между словами очень легко.Да и еще при этом не забыть о многозначности. Так вот, начало предложения сейчас не вспомню, но конец был таков: "....the fastest growing membership." Об абстрактном суффиксе -ship ему на тот момент было ничего не известно, да он и не мудрствуя лукаво, просто не стал его переводить, т.е. даже не обратил на него внимание. Перевод буркнул сразу же, чтоб я не успела начать придираться. Но когда осознал - смеялись до слез. Теперь когда он возвращается к своей привычке "электронного текстопереводчика", я напоминаю ему эту фразу, по-англ естественно!

[Harry Smith]

Here are some sentences with common mistakes the students make while speaking and writing.

1.Last summer I went to visit my own uncle in the country.

2. You must hurry; you have no time to loose.

3.He doesn't likes travelling on train.

4. I have lived here since ten years.

5.I passed my holidays in Egypt.

6.Jane was at the bus stop expecting the bus.

7. Can you talk English?

8. My brother is elder than me.

9. I spent the all day by the sea.

10. Sally is an efficient typewriter.

[вал вал]

Here are some sentences with common mistakes the students make while speaking and writing.

1.Last summer I went to visit my own uncle in the country.

2. You must hurry; you have no time to loose.

3.He doesn't likes travelling on train.

4. I have lived here since ten years.

5.I passed my holidays in Egypt.

6.Jane was at the bus stop expecting the bus.

7. Can you talk English?

8. My brother is elder than me.

9. I spent the all day by the sea.

10. Sally is an efficient typewriter.

Насколько я знаю, talk French/English etc. нормально...

[Harry Smith]

Насколько я знаю, talk French/English etc. нормально...

 

All those sentences make sense but there is at least one mistake. I usually teach my students to speak English correctly.

[Алексей Конобеев]

I particularly liked these two:

6.Jane was at the bus stop expecting the bus.

10. Sally is an efficient typewriter.

 

Thank you for sharing the examples with us!

[Harry Smith]

I particularly liked these two:

6.Jane was at the bus stop expecting the bus.

10. Sally is an efficient typewriter.

 

Thank you for sharing the examples with us!

 

 

Ok! I promise! I'm just very short of time at the moment.

[Алексей Конобеев]

Забавный диалог, построенный на игре омофонии и стереотипах:

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

 

А у вас в коллекции есть что-то подобное? Поделитесь?

[Uchilka]

Спасибо!!!

Напомнило миниатюру Карцева и Ильченко. "Есть у нас один студент по имени Овас. Доцент: Меня зовут Иван Петрович, а Вас? - Овас. - Иван Петрович...) и т.д.

[Алексей Конобеев]

This is a bit trite and has been all over the internet, but I thought it could be a good idea to put these together anyway. I used these examples to analyse syntax with my students as well as asking them to put the same ideas correctly. It became a good prelude to teaching translation as a skill:

Funny signs

In a Tokyo Hotel:

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:

Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite se x in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czech tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today - no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Rome doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

In a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

- English well talking.

- Here speeching American.

On a Malaga freeway:

Locals for sale or rent.

In a hotel in Brugges:

Bathroom light operates with motion sensor. Turns off approx. 15 minutes after last registered motion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:

"For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service"

In a Bed & Breakfast in France:

Please avoid coca watering, cream cleaning, wet towels wrapping, and ironing drying

Instructions on a packet of convenience food from Italy:

"Besmear a backing pan, previously buttered with a good tomato sauce, and, after, dispose the cannelloni, lightly distanced between them in a only couch.

In a Japanese hotel room:

Please to bathe inside the tub

Diversion sign in Kyushi, Japan:

Stop - Drive Sideways

Message printed on an eraser:

"Mr. Friendly Quality Eraser. Mr. Friendly Arrived!! He always stay near you, and steals in your mind to lead you to a good situation.". On the bottom of the eraser is a further message: "We are ecologically minded. This package will self-destruct in Mother Earth."

Denmark: in a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions

a Vienna hotel:

In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

Germany: a sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different se x, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose

n the window of a Swedish furrier:

Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin

in a Rhodes tailor's shop:

Order your summers suit. Because in big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation

In a hotel in Tomsk:

We wish you fruitful

[elkaJUNE]

English teacher: Please make a sentence beginning with "I".

Student: I is...

Teacher: No, you must always say "I am..."

Student: OK, I... ... ... am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

 

A son at collage wrote to his farther:

"No mon, no fun, your son"

The farther answered:

"How sad, too bad, your Dad"

 

The chairman of the entrance examination asks a university entrant in the process of examining her abilities:

- "Why did you choose this university?"

- "Dad, are you joking?"

 

A: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

B: His daddy was really a mummy.

 

Sign found in a psychiatrist's office: "The amnesia patients must pay in advance."

 

 

A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang ... so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."

" But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" the doctor asked.

" How do you think I called you, people?"

 

 

- Did you have problems with your poor English in London?

 

- Not me. The problems had the persons I talked with!

 

 

 

Two Russians accidentally met in London (but they did not know that the other one was also Russian):

- What watch?

- Five watches.

- Such much?

- Whom how!

 

 

Sign at a bar: "A CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS TIGHT!"

 

Bulldog for sale. Will eat anything, very fond of children.

 

 

Hard of Hearing

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart mummer and be careful."

[Алексей Конобеев]

Собрал небольшой список забавных названий газетных статей и объявлений. Большая часть этих названий широко известна в интернете, поэтому собрать было несложно. Юмористический эффект возникает из-за синтаксической или лексической двусмысленности, поэтому в работе со старшими школьниками использовал некоторые из этих заголовков именно для анализа, примерно следующим образом:

1. Read the headline. Does it sound funny to you? Why?

2. What do you think the author wanted to say by this headline? How else can it be interpreted?

3. What makes this double interpretation possible?

For example, in the headline "Two Soviet ships collide, one dies" the word "person" is omitted before "dies", so the syntactic structure can be analysed in this way. If you take a close look at the headlines, you'll see that in most cases ambiguity appears through syntactic errors, omissions, lack of articles etc, and only seldom the humorous effect is created through multiple word meanings. So I've used many of these headlines as prompts for analysis and this led to discussions of pretty complex language matters, but in a fun and easy-to-learn way. This list is much longer than what can actually be used at school, and also I wouldn't use some of the headlines in class at all due to their second, funny, meanings, which sometimes are not very appropriate as topics for discussions. But whether you want to give a special lesson on ambiguity, or use a headline a day as a warming-up exercise, you'll find plenty of material.

If you decide to try this idea out, do let me know how it works (if at all).

Oh, and one more use of some of the headlines and advertisements. Some of them enable students to create interesting stories (like the last ad on the list: "Wanted: Man to handle dynamite. Must be able to travel unexpectedly"), so I use them as writing and speaking prompts.

 

Ambiguous newspaper headlines

1. County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds

2. Volunteers search for old Civil War planes

3. Army vehicle disappears. An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage.

4. Meeting on open meetings is closed.

5. Caskets found as workers demolish mausoleum. “We had no idea anyone was buried there”.

6. Waterford boy, 8, saves sister’s life. “I wouldn’t do it again. She’s been a pain this week”

7. Ten Commandments. Supreme Court says some OK, some not

8. Utah poison control center reminds everyone not to take poison

9. Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons

10. Statistics show teen pregnancy drops significantly after age 25

11. One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers

12. Man in court over St. Paul’s death

13. Girl hit by car in hospital

14. Robber jailed for shooting dead witness

15. Mayor attacks police watchdog

16. Children's Stool Great for Use in Garden

17. Stiff Opposition to Casketless Funeral Plan

18. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

19. Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

20. New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead

21. New Missouri U. Chancellor Expects Little Sex

22. 12 On Their Way to Cruise Among Dead in Plane Crash

23. N.J. Judge to Rule on Nude Beach

24. Chou Remains Cremated

25. Chinese Apeman Dated

26. Hershey Bars Protest

27. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

28. Deer Kill 130,000

29. Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly

30. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

31. Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish

32. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

33. Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

34. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

35. Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted

36. Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents

37. Farmer Bill dies in house

38. Prostitutes appeal to Pope

39. Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over

40. Soviet virgin lands short of goal again

41. Eye drops off shelf

42. Teacher strikes idle kids

43. Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

44. Plane too close to ground, crash probe told

45. Miners refuse to work after death

46. Stolen painting found by tree

47. Two soviet ships collide, one dies

48. 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter

49. Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years

50. Never withhold herpes infection from loved one

51. Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84

52. If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while

53. Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide

54. Two cars were reported stolen by the Groveton police yesterday.

55. We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

56. MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER

57. ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

58. OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI

59. HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS

60. LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS

61. LACK OF BRAINS HINDERS RESEARCH

62. WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

63. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

64. Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years

65. Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy

66. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

67. TRAFFIC DEAD RISE SLOWLY

68. WILLIAM KELLY, 87, WAS FED SECRETARY

69. COLLEGIANS ARE TURNING TO VEGATABLES

70. 10 REVOLTING OFFICERS EXECUTED

71. COUNTY OFFICIALS TO TALK RUBBISH

72. JUDGE ACTS TO REOPEN THEATER

73. AMERICAN SHIPS HEAD TO LIBYA

74. AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY LET’S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER

75. 20-YEAR FRIENDSHIP ENDS AT ALTAR

76. COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

77. HALF OF U.S. HIGH SCHOOLS REQUIRE SOME FOR GRADUATION

78. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

79. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

80. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

81. Mayor Says D.C. Is Safe Except For Murders

82. Sadness Is No. 1 Reason Men And Women Cry

83. Check With Doctors Before Getting Sick

84. Neighbors Said Sniper Not Very Neighborly

85. Man Denies He Commited Suicide

86. Goldfish Is Saved From Drowning

87. Prisoners Escape After Execution

88. Protestors Tried To Spoil Play But Actors Succeeded

89. No Cause Of Death Determined For Beheading Victim

90. Robber's Description: Man, Possibly A Woman, Definitely Ugly

91. Dog That Bit 2 People Ordered To Leave Town

92. Teacher Dies; Board Accepts His Resignation

93. Low Pay Reason For Poverty, Study Says

94. Experts Are Sure The Dow Will Either Rise Or Decline

95. Protesters March Over Illegal Immigrants

96. March Planned For Next August

97. Police found safe under bed

98. No water so firemen improvised - Liverpool Daily Post

99. Pony for sale. Looks like small horse

100. Wanted: Man to handle dynamite. Must be able to travel unexpectedly

[elkaJUNE]

The riddle:

CAN FEBRUARY MARCH?

[Barbara]

Two Russians accidentally met in London (but they did not know that the other one was also Russian):

- What watch?

- Five watches.

- Such much?

- Whom how!

а masterpiece

[Алексей Конобеев]

Religion plays a huge role in the UK and the US public life. As we all know, the British monarch is the head of the Church of England, attending the church service before inauguration is mandatory for every newly-elected US president, churches are often places that support people etc. So in a way religion is an important part of socio cultural studies. Which does not prevent it from bringing more mirth into life that is rather far from clerical ideas.

Below is a compilation of extracts from church bulletin boards, notices and press-releases which many people find really funny and which can be used as warming-up materials for introducing the religious part of socio-cultural studies into the classroom:

1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help

2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

3. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

4. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

5. Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

6. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

7. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

8. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

9. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

10. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

11. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

12. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7p.m. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

13. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

14. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

15. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

16. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

17. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

18. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

19. The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

20. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

21. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

22. Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"

Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett

Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"

23. (During the minister's illness) GOD IS GOOD.

Dr. Hargreaves is better.

24. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

25. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

26. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

27. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

28. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

29. Church Lot Parking. Trespassers will be baptised.

30. Photos of some funny church boards: http://www.oddee.com/item_86516.aspx

[Алексей Конобеев]

Sometimes I use jokes for my classroom. They can serve both as a lead-in for a new topic, or a good 5-minute activity to relax and have fun (which, I think, is essential for a language classroom). The easiest way to use a few jokes is to write the jokes in one column and the punch lines in another one, and then ask the pupils to match the jokes and the punch lines. With a more advanced audience it's possible to ask students to explain why the joke is (or would be - for some people) funny. Here's a short list of jokes that I use sometimes:

Jokes

 

1. The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

 

2. Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.

Boy: What are the two things?

Girl: Your feet.

3. A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

4. My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

5. The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'

The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'

The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

6. A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"

The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."

The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

7. A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

8. Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?

Johnny: Nothing, sir.

Headmaster: Exactly.

9. A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.

B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

10. PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"

TEACHER:" Of course not."

PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."

11. Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?

Little Johnny: But I asked first!

12. Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

13. Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.

Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.

14. Bank Teller: How do you like the money?

English Student: I like it very much.

15. "I was born in California."

"Which part?"

"All of me."

16. "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"

"No, I'm sorry I don't."

"Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left."

17. Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?

Student: Well...yes and no.

18. The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.

The student: I walk. You walk ....

The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.

The student: I run. You run ...

19. Said to a railroad engineer:

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late. The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

20. Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?

Student: No, he did it all by himself.

21. In a restaurant: Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!

Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

22. Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?

Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

23. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

24. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

25. Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important.

26. A man and a woman wanted to buy a flat. The agent took them to a cheap flat to look. They did not like it very much.

The woman said, "It is important to know - is it insulated?"

"Yes" said a voice from the flat above them, "But the insulation doesn't work."

27. A small child met his new teacher for the first time.

"Are you good?" asked the teacher.

"I am the sort of boy my mummy tells me not to play with."

28. Two men were talking in a bar. One said,

"My problem is I do not like my mother-in-law but she lives with us. Yesterday, I tried to solve my problem. I went to the public house and I drank too much. I forgot my problems. But when I returned home - there were two mothers-in-law waiting."

29. A man went into a shop and asked for a muzzle. The shopkeeper offered him one. He rejected it. The shopkeeper was annoyed. He said,

"I'm sure it will give satisfaction. I sold one to a lady half an hour ago. She was very pleased with it."

"Perhaps she was. I want a muzzle for my dog."

30. A teacher was giving a lesson on good manners.

"Suppose, by mistake, you step on a lady's foot. What do you do?"

"I say 'Pardon me'."

"Very good. Now suppose the lady, to reward you, gives you a coin. What do you do?"

"Step on the other foot to get a second one."

31. In court, the accused man was clearly guilty. His lawyer did not know what to say to the judge. Finally, he said,

"It is Christmas. A time for pity and goodwill."

"I agree," said the judge. "I will make a decision next week."

32. In a psychiatric hospital, a doctor was examining a patient.

"Why are you laughing so heartily?"

"I was telling myself funny stories and I'd just told one I'd never heard before."

33. Mary went to a restaurant and asked for a job as a waitress.

"Do you have any references?" asked the owner.

"I worked for five years in a famous restaurant."

"Can you prove it?"

"Easily. I can show you one of the many spoons that I stole from them."

34. A young man in love wanted to tell his girl-friend how much he loved her.

"I would risk crossing fire or water for you," he declared passionately.

She was not impressed. She replied,

"I know. But you are a fireman."

35. A teacher set an arithmetic problem.

"You have six pounds in your pocket. You lose four. What do you have in your pocket?"

Quickly came the answer - "A hole."

36. A butcher in a small town always boasted that he never ate sausages. He did not eat other butchers' sausages because he did not know what was in them. He did not eat his own sausages because he knew - only too well - what was in them.

37. A tramp begged money from a person who was passing.

"Give me five pounds."

"Five pounds is a lot of money. Why?"

"To buy lunch. I haven't eaten yet."

"I haven't eaten lunch either."

"Good. Give me ten pounds and I will buy your lunch for you."

38. A little girl was grimacing. Her old aunt did not like to see that. She warned,

"When I was your age, my mummy said if I continued to grimace, I would become ugly."

The child considered a moment. then she said,

"You should have listened to your mummy."

39. A man and a woman were both very shy. For years, they had spent time together, which they both enjoyed. One day, the woman decided to be brave. She suggested,

"Don't you think, dear, it is time to marry?"

"Yes," the man replied. "But who would marry us?"

40. A snobbish pair of townies were driving in the countryside when they lost their way. Seeing a local rustic, the husband asked,

"Is this the road to Little Wallop, my man?"

No answer.

The wife said impatiently, "Forget him George - the man's a fool."

"I may be a fool," said the local man slowly, "But I'm not lost."

41. An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school. "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

42. Teacher: How can we get some clean water?

Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

43. A: Meet my new born brother.

B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?

A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says

44. Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

A: An envelope.

45. Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?

A: A blackboard.

46. TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime?

PUPIL: I don't know. I'm not dead yet.

47. Our teacher talks to herself; does yours?

Yes, but she doesn't realise it; she thinks we're actually listening!

48. Son: I can't go to school today.

Father: Why not?

Son: I don't feel well

Father: Where don't you feel well?

Son: In school !

49. Father: How do you like going to school?

Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

50. TEACHER: Where is your pencil, Harmon?

PUPIL: I ain't got none.

TEACHER: How many times have I told you not to say that, Harmon? Now listen: I do not have a pencil. You do not have a pencil. They do not have a pencil. Now, do you understand?

PUPIL: Not really. What happened to all the pencils?

51. TEACHER: Want to hear the story about the broken pencil?

PUPIL: No, thanks, I'm sure it has no point.

52. Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.

Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either !

53. Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test

Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!

54. Mother: How do you like your new teacher ?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

55. TEACHER: Who gave you that black eye?

PUPIL: No one gave it to me, sir. I had to fight for it.

56. What is an archaeologist ?

Someone who's career is in ruins!

57. Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls ?

Because they couldn't spell their names!

58. TEACHER: Who can give me a definition of claustrophobia?

PUPIL: An unnatural fear of Santa Claus.

59. What is an Acorn?

An oak in a nutshell

60. What is an actor? A man who tries to be everything but himself

61. What is a Bird of Prey? Eagle that goes to church every Sunday

62. What is a committee? A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours

63. What is a diplomat? One who thinks twice before saying nothing

64. What is a friend? Someone who has the same enemies as you

65. What is a gamekeeper? Teacher who confiscates computer games in class

66. What is a holiday? The time when you find out where not to go next year

67. What is ignorance? when you don't know something and somebody finds out

68. What is income? You try to make it first, then you try to make it last

69. What is luxury? Something that costs $5 to make and $105 to sell

70. What is a nail? A long thin pointed object with a flat head which you aim at while hitting your thumb with a hammer

71. What is a synonym? A word you use in place of one you can't spell

72. What is a waiter? Someone who thinks money grows on trays

73. What is a zebra? A horse that's escaped from prison

74. What is a boss? Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

75. What is Etc? A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

76. What is experience? The name men give to their mistakes.

77. What is a grocery list? What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

78. Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, they wouldn’t need it if we paid them more.

79. The best part of going back to school is seeing all your friends. The worst part is that your teachers won’t let you talk to them.

80. School is where you always try to do your best—except when your friends are watching.

[Алексей Конобеев]

Some students' typos from various websites:

The police use their powder to treat people badly.

At five o'clock it was time to live.

The cat was hungry because we forgot to eat him.

Someday I'll find the men I want to marry.

I tanked him for the flowers.

We like to go funning in the Park.

Our room has good ear conditioning.

Marijuana is a serious addition in a person's life.

She was beautiful. Her eyes, nose and mouse were quite special.

 

In some countries, you should only drink the water a tourist already drank. Maybe it will taste bad,

but it will not have poison.

[Алексей Конобеев]

WILLIAM SAFIRE’S RULES FOR WRITERS

 

1. Remember to never split an infinitive.

2. The passive voice should never be used.

3. Do not put statements in the negative form.

4. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

5. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

6. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal

of repetition can be by rereading and editing.

7. A writer must not shift your point of view.

8. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a

preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

9. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!

10. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences,

as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

11. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

12. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

13. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

14. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

15. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns

in there writing.

16. Always pick on the correct idiom.

17. The adverb always follows the verb.

18. Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague: seek viable alternatives.

[Алексей Конобеев]

To help students focus more on word forms and rhuthm in the sentence I sometimes use palindromes. A palindrome is a word or a sentence which reads backwards exactly the same as it reads forwards. Students usually find palindromes interesting and I use it as a fun lead-in for spelling tests and analysis of sentences. If you are interested in the history of palindromes, take a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palindrome , here is a quotation form this encyclopaedia entry: "Palindromic words exist, for example civic, level, rotator, rotor, kayak, and racecar.

"Was it a rat I saw?", "Step on no pets", the command "Level, madam, level!"

Some palindromes use words as units rather than letters. Examples are "Fall leaves after leaves fall", "First Ladies rule the State and state the rule: ladies first" "

 

I've put together a list of palindromes from various internet sources, mainly from http://thinks.com/words/palindromes.htm I hope you'll find it interesting to use them in your classroom, unless, of course, you mind your students' starting to greet each other with the palindrome "Yo, banana boy!" ;-)

 

Add 'A'

A dim or fond 'No' from Ida.

A dog! A panic in a pagoda!

A Goth saw Anna wash toga.

Ah, Aristides opposed it, sir, aha!

Aid nine men, India.

Al lets Della call Ed, Stella.

"Am I mad, eh?" Giselle sighed, "Am I, Ma?"

Anita got a toga, Tina.

Anne, I stay a day at Sienna.

Anne, I vote more cars race Rome-to-Vienna.

Anne, I vote no one to Vienna.

A nut for a jar of tuna.

A poem, a carol - or a cameo, Pa?

A pre-war dresser drawer, Pa.

Are we not, Rae, near to new era?

A Toyota's a Toyota.

"Bed stress!" asserts Deb.

Bird rib.

Bob: "Did Anna peep?" Anna: "Did Bob?"

Borrow or rob.

Boston did not sob.

But Anita sat in a tub.

But sad Eva saved a stub.

Cigar? Toss it in a can, it is so tragic!

Dad: "Alas, a salad ad!"

Dammit, I'm mad!

Deer breed.

Deer flee freedom in Oregon? No, Geronimo - deer feel freed.

"Delia was ill!" Lisa wailed.

Dentist: "Sit, Ned."

Derek, I like red!

Desserts I desire not, so long no lost one rise distressed.

Detach cat, Ed.

Diana saw Dr. Awkward was an aid.

Did Dean aid Diana? Ed did.

Did Hannah say as Hannah did?

Did Hannah see bees? Hannah did.

Di, did I as I said I did?

Did I do, O God, did I as I said I'd do? Good, I did!

Did I draw Della too tall, Edward? I did?

Did Ione take Kate? No, I did.

Do go to God.

Don did nod.

"Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod.

Donna made Ted, a man, nod.

Don't nod.

Dot saw I was Tod.

Dot sees Tod.

Dr. Awkward.

Draw nine men inward.

Draw noses onward!

Draw, O coward!

Ed, I hide.

Ed is on no side.

Egad! Loretta has Adams as mad as a hatter. Old age!

Eh, Canada had an ache?

Elbert and Edna treble.

Emil, a sleepy baby, peels a lime.

Emil saw a slime.

Enid and Edna dine.

Epic Erma has a ham recipe.

Euston saw I was not Sue.

Eva, can I stab bats in a cave?

Evade me, Dave.

 

Evil olive.

Feeble Tom's motel beef.

He did, eh?

Here so long? No loser, eh?

He stops spots, eh?

He won a Toyota now, eh?

H (sarcastic): "It's a crash."

I did roll - or did I?

I did see referees, did I?

If I had a hi-fi...

I, madam, I made radio. So I dared! Am I mad? Am I?

Is it I? It is I!

Laid on no dial.

Laminate pet animal.

Last fig - as a gift, Sal.

Lee had a heel.

Live not on evil.

Live not on evil deed, live not on evil.

Live not on evil, madam, live not on evil.

Madame, not one man is selfless; I name not one, Madam.

Madam, I'm Adam.

Madam, in Eden I'm Adam.

Ma handed Edna ham.

Ma has a ham.

Ma is a nun, as I am.

Ma is as selfless as I am.

Marge, let's send a sadness telegram.

Max, I stay away at six a.m.

Mirror rim.

Must sell at tallest sum.

Name now one man.

Ned, I am a maiden.

Nella risks all: "I will ask Sir Allen."

Nella won't set a test now, Allen.

Never odd or even.

Niagara, O roar again!

Nina Ricci ran in.

"No cab, eh, Ted?" I sat up. I put aside the bacon.

Noel sees Leon.

No, it is open on one position.

No, it is opposition.

No lemons, no melon.

No miss, it is Simon.

No Misses ordered roses, Simon.

No mists or frost, Simon.

"Nora, a raft!" "Is it far, Aaron?"

Norma is as selfless as I am, Ron.

No, slang is a signal, son.

"Not for Cecil?" asks Alice Crofton.

"Not New York," Roy went on.

Not nil, Clinton.

Not so, Boston.

Now, Eve, we're here, we've won.

Now, sir, a war is won.

No "x" in "Mr. R. M. Nixon"?

No yarn in rayon?

Nurse, save rare vases, run!

Nurse, I spy gypsies, run!

Oh who was it I saw, oh who?

O, stone, be not so.

Poor Dan is in a droop.

Pull a bat! I held a ladle, hit a ball up.

Pull up if I pull up.

Pupils slip up.

Rise to vote, sir.

Rot can rob a born actor.

Roy, am I mayor?

"Sal is not in?" Ruth asks. "Ah, turn it on, Silas."

See referees.

Sh! Tom sees moths.

Sir, I'm Iris.

Slap my gym pals.

So many dynamos.

Some men interpret nine memos.

Stack cats.

Stella won no wallets.

Step on no pets!

Strategy: get arts.

'Tis Ivan on a visit.

Title fit - I felt it!

Too bad, I hid a boot.

Too far away, no mere clay or royal ceremony, a war afoot.

Too far, Edna, we wander afoot.

Too hot to hoot.

Top spot.

Top step - Sara's pet spot.

Top step's pup's pet spot.

Warsaw was raw.

Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Was it a rat I saw?

Was it Eliot's toilet I saw?

We'll let Mom tell Lew.

We panic in a pew.

Won't lovers revolt now?

Yawn a more Roman way.

Yes, Mark, cable to hotel: "Back, Ramsey!"

Yo! Banana boy!

[Алексей Конобеев]

Some quotations from American students' papers:

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

"The largest organ in the human body is the head."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation."

"People shouldn't be allowed to shoot extinct animals."

"If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence."

"Blood flows down one leg and back the other."

"The Magna Carta provided that no free men should be hanged twice for the same offense."

"The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died, and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this."

"Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead."

"Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years."

"Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."

"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off."